![]() ![]() This is where the concept of ‘third place’ comes into play. Third placeīuilding relationships is a bit of a numbers game, so you have to give people more opportunities to connect with you. ![]() Remember, you don’t have to force them into the level of best friend when they’re not ready. When the other person doesn’t meet your expectations remind yourself that you may have jumped ahead and assumed you were at a deeper level of friendship or connection than what’s true. If you try to force a connection, you can sometimes think the relationship is deeper and thus have more expectations. The idea of different friendship levels is also helpful. Rapport is built gradually and real connection comes from time and investment in the other person. It took more than 200 hours to qualify as a best friend. Jeffrey Hall, Professor at the University of Kansas, published a report where he found that it took 50 hours of interaction to move from an acquaintance to a casual friend and about 90 hours of interaction to move from a casual friend to a friend. How many of your current friends did you form an instant connection with? What about the person your dating or married to? It takes time to grow a real connection. When we start projecting the need for instant connection, the neediness often pushes people away, so don’t jump ahead. ![]() In reality, that idea is counterproductive. The idea comes as no surprise because it’s a common narrative in books and movies. Many people think that connection happens rapidly and you need to instantly form a bond with everyone. We put ourselves out there, break the ice, and start conversations, but then what? How can we take these conversations to the next level and build real connection? Instant connection? It’s human nature to want to connect, yet many people struggle forming strong bonds. ![]()
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